I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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