I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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