we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's never too late to be topless.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
