if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
