Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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