You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
