I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
