I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
