How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
