My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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