I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
