i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
