The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
