dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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