no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
