I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
