is wine microwaveable?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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