There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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