Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
