your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
