Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
