ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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