Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
