No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
