guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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