What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
