We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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