Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
