theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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