didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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