you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
