My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
