literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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