Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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