Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
