Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry about my life...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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