You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
