Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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