ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
