just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
