I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
