She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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