people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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