he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
