i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
