i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
