he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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