Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
