and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
