Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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