I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is it penis luge time yet?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
