As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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